Anger Turned Inward
For the longest time I didn’t understand the term “anger turned inwards”.
I thought it was me being angry with me. And often, I was.
I’ll be like…
From a very young age I was able to see that my mother was not accurate in the picture she painted of my father. I was a child — and I may have not been privy to all their interactions — BUT I thought it was somehow wrong that she was still judging my father and constantly complaining about things she said he was doing 20 years before. It was also 10 years before I was born.
I loved my father. I NEVER saw any of the behavior she constantly talked about in my life. And I didn’t know her mother, sister, brothers, and all the many other people that were to be constantly talked about and revealed as horrible, mean people. At lease I didn’t have to wrestle with those stories at the time.
Fast forward to me in a live-in relationship and a baby on the way.
Oddly, after living 10 years in a predatorial, abusive, soul-sucking, life-threatening relationship with a narcissist-and possible psychopath-I never thought or bought the idea that I was to blame for his abusing me. I was just scared of his ass!
